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How Can I Become More Resilient?

Life Is a Series of Problems to Jump Over.

As I have said before, life is often experienced as a series of problems to manage. Some barriers and goals are easy, some are harder and some are impossible. And, they are relentlessly confronting you and they leave you little rest.

Life presents you with a sequence of hurdles to jump over. Some are high. Some are low. As you know, you successfully clear most of the hurdles in your path. But you cannot jump over a few obstacles because they are too high. And at times you may miss your jump and crash into a few hurdles. This is life.

What Is Resiliency?

For a gratifying life, you must rise up after you fall and find a way to get over the difficult hurdles. This is resilience. You should not give up easily and accept defeat.

As you know from your own personal experience, always succeeding is impossible. Some barriers cannot be surmounted and you will fail at times. Plus, you will always need to practice repeatedly in order to improve your abilities.

Often, when faced with challenges, picking yourself up and bouncing back up is more important than succeeding the first time. Putting in effort to overcome obstacles will build your inner strength. Your ability to rebound and keep trying when faced with a difficult situations is crucial in making progress and feeling fulfilled in life. The more hurdles you struggle with and jump over, the hardier you become.

How Do I Become More Resilient?

At times you may glide over issues easily and don’t even notice or recognize your success in dealing with an obstacle. At other times, you are quite aware of how hard you tried and are robbed of success. In other situations, you get discouraged because you seem to make so little progress. And then of course, there are times when you give up in defeat or you must face the fact that overcoming a particular goal is impossible and you need to accept that reality. Some obstacles and goals just aren’t surmountable. You cannot expect to succeed all the time.

Sometimes you will have difficulty in evaluating where you stand with a challenge. At those times, you must ask yourself to objectively review your situation and ask yourself critical questions such as, “Is this too much for me? Should I continue plunging forward? Is it worth the expenditure of time, effort and money? Can I realistically achieve this goal?” You need to have a positive attitude when you take on obstacles that are in your way and you must also be realistic.

Sometimes you will need to change your goals and modify your strategies or methods to achieve your goals. Being flexible is a valuable inner strength. With impossible barriers, it is wiser to let go and cease a senseless struggle. Then you can learn from your experience, set a new goal and take on another new challenge. Without struggling with problems and challenges, you will not grow or progress, you will lose momentum and get stuck or move backward in your life. Giving up or refusing to take on new challenges can set in motion a type of “slow death”.

Become a Hardy Hurdler.

When problems rise, try to jump over them. Don’t just stop or go around the hurdles in your way. I encourage you to pick your objectives wisely and then put in the effort to achieve them. This is resilience, one of the most vital personal inner characteristics for all of us.

I want all people to become more resilient and to rebound when they are down. And I believe that you can pull your life together and move onward toward personal fulfillment. I am not a dreamer. Becoming more resilient is very possible for you and others.

I’m a backpacker and many times I have worked hard to reach the top of a ridge. From there I can see other mountain ranges far in the distance ahead of me, a whole succession of ridge line silhouettes rising from lower to higher. In order to get to the farthest mountain top, I need to hike up each hill or mountain and then down the other side into the valleys below.  This can go on repeatedly until I reach my destination. Up and down. Up and down.  And it ain’t easy. Because I cannot fly, there is no other way to get there except to keep hiking.

If your problems seem insurmountable, give me a call – 805-448-5053. Perhaps I can guide you over and through some rough terrain.

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By Revel Miller, Ph.D.

Revel Miller, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist who has been practicing psychology for over 25 years and living in Santa Barbara for more than 15 years. He specializes in treating adults who experience depression, marital conflict, divorce transition and parenting challenges. Dr. Miller is also a behavioral health psychologist who collaborates with medical professionals and treats chronically ill patients who suffer from stress due to their illness. In addition, he actively collaborates with divorce attorneys and mediators to help support their clients who struggle with the stresses associated with marital transition. Moreover, Revel Miller is an experienced business coach who assists professionals, executives and small business owners to develop and grow their businesses.