But it is possible, over time, to re-ignite love and re-build trust again. Forgiving will take longer. Eventually, you can put your relationship into a helpful perspective and make decisions that are mutually empowering and generous.
With personal commitment, determination and compassion along with the direction of an experienced professional guide, you can move forward. Try to be positive and hopeful all along the way while you stretch your tolerance for your partner and yourself. Only then will you successfully be able repair your marriage and rekindle your relationship.
Why Should We Share This Intimate and Painful Experience with a Professional?
Because now is not the time to go it alone. Despite your feelings of shame and sorrow, restoration on an individual basis or as a couple is not likely to happen by keeping this event private just between the two of you.
Trust and healthy communication are likely stifled or even crippled between you. Hurtful distancing and withdrawal between spouses/partners are normal after an affair. However, you probably don’t want to do any more damage to your connection.
If you hope to recover as a couple, you need find an infidelity therapist who is objective and dedicated to your recovery. This type of specialized counseling can be very helpful and relieving. After actively participating in therapy for infidelity many couples move forward in life and rebuild a satisfying long-term relationship.
What Should We Expect from Therapy for Infidelity?
Ultimately, therapy after an affair works best if your therapist is a trustworthy professional, an experienced guide and a compassionate partner in your healing process.
With time and commitment in therapy, you will gain new tools and insights that help you overcome your emotional and mental disruption. Choose a therapist who can present to you how they are going to work with you and what you can expect during therapy. Have them share a clear process for helping you to maintain hope and gain new perspective and knowledge regarding the possible reasons for the affair.
Expect the therapist to tolerate intense emotional instability and to involve both partners in the therapeutic process. The counselor should commit to helping you improve your relationship and not demonstrate bias toward either one of you.
How Will an Experienced Therapist Direct Us During the Sessions?
Select a professional who guides rather than lectures. They should provide some assignments, tasks and tools to help you interact and connect during your sessions and at home.
An experienced and compassionate therapist will also work with you to deal with past unresolved issues and unproductive coping methods. Their goal is not to “cure” your relationship quickly but to help you achieve a mutually satisfying connection based on honesty and a renewed trust.
At times in therapy, a partner decides to leave the relationship. Should one or both of you choose to separate, the therapist can help you come to an understanding of this decision and assist you to let go of lingering anger and resentment. Then he/she can help you accept this decision and support you as you prepare to leave your home and your partner in a healthy way and to wrap-up unfinished business.
At some point, you might ask the therapist to help you get through the challenging divorce process as well.
Don’t Freeze or Procrastinate!
You deserve to feel better and pull out of this overwhelming experience. Don’t put off starting your treatment sessions immediately. Don’t suffer any longer. And, don’t rely on hope to miraculously and rapidly heal this serious split in your relationship.
Although you must be hopeful about repairing the damage in your relationship, hope alone won’t work for you either. As a couple, you will both need to put in effort and time to heal this wound. There is no benefit for you in prolonging your suffering.
If you want to find out about my “Therapy for Infidelity”, click this link: http://www.drrevelmiller.com/what-we-treat/therapy-for-infidelity/
For information about how to choose a therapist, read my other blog article entitled “How to Find and Assess an Infidelity Therapist” by clicking this link: http://www.drrevelmiller.com/2019/10/how-do-we-find-and-assess-an-infidelity-therapist/