Why Do Partners Have Affairs? Part IV

Note: This is Part IV of a four-part series of blog articles. Here I will introduce the 4 final reasons for affairs. In the 3 preceding articles, entitled “Why Do Partners Have Affairs? Part I, Part II and Part III”, I presented the other 11 reasons for infidelity.

15 Possible Reasons Why Partners Stray-Off

Here are the final 4 reasons why a partner may stray away:

12. Retaliation/Revenge

Some partners feel hurt by their partner and use infidelity as a way to get back at their significant other. They want to get caught in the affair as a type of pay-back. It is a form of intentional revenge or retaliation to set-off emotional pain and hurt in their partner. It may be a seen as a way to “turn the table” or reciprocate with “an eye-for-an-eye”. This is immature behavior.

13. Fantasy Fulfillment

Some partners build-up many internal fantasies about sexual gratification with other outside partners. Their imaginations may be created by pornography, self-induced, or dwell on previous sexual relationships. These inner visions may grow and become uncontainable, leading to a partner’s acting-out in an affair or serial affairs. The partner may lose control and try to fulfill fantasies that are often unrealistic and unobtainable.

14. Persistently Unreliable or Untrustworthy

Some partners, unfortunately, simply cannot be trusted. They have affairs and experience little guilt or remorse. Untrustworthy partners may only worry about getting caught. They do not think or care much about the damage they inflict on their partners. They go get what they want and don’t consider the consequences to their partner, children, family or themselves.

These unreliable and immature individuals usually have little compassion or empathy for others. They simply try to fulfill their own self-centered desires and needs regardless of who else may be impacted. Their straying is a symptom of a deeper psychological character flaw that is usually not reversible.

15. Serious Mental Illness

Some partners are so psychologically disturbed that they cannot control their behaviors. They have poor judgment, act impulsively, and their reasoning may be confused and distorted. They simply want to feel good and usually don’t take their partner’s feelings into consideration before having an affair. These mentally ill people can cause a lot of damage in their relationships and with extended family members.

In Summary

Although these 15 reasons do not cover all the explanations for why infidelity occurs, they cover the majority of affairs that are committed. You may find yourself confronted with or living-out one or more of these scenarios. It’s emotionally painful.

Go to Parts I, II and III to read about the other 11 reasons for infidelity. See the links below.


How Can Affairs Be Prevented?

Here are 12 helpful steps that you can take to prevent infidelity:

  1. Discuss and decide what your boundaries are in your partnership/marriage
  2. Discuss and decide what you expect from one another regarding outside relationships
  3. Share what your most likely immediate reaction would be upon learning about an affair
  4. Discuss how an affair would probably impact each of you and your long-term partnership
  5. Keep nurturing your love, affection, sexuality and openness in the relationship
  6. Commit to not harboring secrets from one another
  7. Set aside regular monthly time for romance and intimacy
  8. Discuss values and expectations, needs and wants on a regular basis
  9. Prioritize openness, fun and honesty within the relationship
  10. Share fantasies about your needs and desires
  11. Work with a couple therapist when a partner needs reassurance or to repair a relationship problem
  12. Always strive to improve and re-ignite your love for one another

These 12 steps above must be taken regularly over the months and years that you are together. Actions such as these build the glue that holds you together and re-stimulates love and affection. Conscious steps such as these must not be overlooked or you could become distant from one another. And distance, loneliness and deprivation are a set-up for trouble.

Can Therapy for Infidelity Help?

In couple counseling, you and your partner can learn how to share your inner thoughts and feelings. You can both develop healthier ways to communicate. As a couple in therapy for infidelity, you can discuss the progression of your relationship, the violations, how and why the affair happened, and how to move forward into a more satisfying marriage or partnership.

This type of relationship therapy is not easy work. With the help of an experienced and unbiased guide, you can take the necessary steps to heal and reconnect. It is entirely possible to create a fulfilling new future together.


For more information about “Therapy for Infidelity”, please visit my web page at:  http://www.drrevelmiller.com/what-we-treat/therapy-for-infidelity/

To read the previous Parts I, II and III of this article plus a number of other blog articles about infidelity and affairs, you can find them by clicking on the blog category here: http://www.drrevelmiller.com/category/therapy-for-infidelity/


If you want to understand why your affair occurred, find out how you contributed and improve your relationship, then please call me at 805-448-5053.

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