How Can We Qualify an Effective Infidelity Therapist?

Follow the Strategies Below to Seek Out an Infidelity Specialist:

It is important to understand that not all couple or marriage therapists are trained or experienced in therapy for infidelity. When consulting a therapist, ask questions about their experience with infidelity counseling and how long they have been doing this specialized type of therapy.

Essentially, it is vital to understand that there are therapists who are well versed in unique approaches developed for effective therapy for infidelity. These proven methods do the most good with the best results. Infidelity specialists can provide a depth of healing you may not find with a therapist who has less experience and knowledge.

So, take some time to evaluate potential therapists before selecting one to choose to work with.

Assess the Therapist’s Attitude Toward Marriage/Relationships

Some therapists are clearly pro-relationship/marriage and against divorce while others are completely neutral about client relationships, making no attempts to encourage either staying together or separating/divorcing.

So, before seeking out a therapist, you both must decide what your relationship goals are. You and your partner are in a sensitive situation with passions and confusion running high. However, you are seeking help for a reason. Your desire to salvage the relationship, if that is your goal, should be stated clearly and honored by the therapist you select.  If you are on the path to divorce, let the therapist know and allow them to help you unwind your relationship.

Assess Your Trust in the Therapist

Being honest and vulnerable about the state of your relationship should never be a problem for you or your therapist. You need to trust your counselor. Be careful to choose a professional who is prepared to help you repair your relationship sensitively and compassionately. Remember that an infidelity therapist might also be a help if either of you needs to heal any past psychological issues that might complicate forgiveness or trigger future problems.

Assess the Therapist’s Ability to Manage Intense Emotions

Intense feelings are ignited and unleashed in the “hurt partner” when an affair is discovered. The “unfaithful partner” may also express intense emotional affect. Therefore, your therapist must be able to manage a high degree of emotional expression and intensity in order to facilitate communication and understanding during the therapy sessions.

And, both partners should also be prepared for and tolerant of heightened emotions expressed openly at home. Things are not the same any more. Behaviors, emotions and ways of communicating have shifted. With infidelity, your lives have now become more unpredictable and volatile. You should be able to trust your therapist and feel comfortable discussing difficult topics, emotions, thoughts and behaviors.

Assess the Therapist’s Ability to Remain Neutral

To be productive during the therapy sessions, you two must sense that you are both able to share safely, without feeling criticized or favored or discriminated against by the therapist in a lopsided manner. Neither of you should feel like the “bad guy”.

The goal of an experienced infidelity therapist is to maintain neutrality, withhold criticism, and help you both eventually accept responsibility for your separate contributions to the fracture in your relationship. Then, as a team, the three of you can work toward understanding and change.

What Should We Beware of When Qualifying an Infidelity Therapist?

Avoid and stay clear of a therapist who:

  • Demonstrates any bias or prejudice toward either of you two.
  • Criticizes either of you.
  • Supports any sort of revenge or shaming.
  • Cannot handle the expression of intense emotions.
  • Offers a “quick fix” to your problem.

Learn more about my “Therapy for Infidelity” services by clicking here:


For even more specific steps to follow on how to identify, evaluate and find an infidelity therapists near you, click on the link below to read my other blog article entitled “How to Find and Assess an Infidelity Therapist”:


If you believe that I may be of help to you, please contact me soon for a brief and free initial consult by calling –   805-448-5053.



Print Friendly, PDF & Email